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nicesandwiches

nicesandwiches

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As people were posting in an insanely old dead thread, I thought I'd have another go...

There will be three prizes... One shiny Krono and two follow up prizes of forum avatar changes courtesy of yours truly.

Just post here with a funny true story...

Randomiser will choose main prize but the follow ups will be based on who made me chuckle the most!

Just dawned on me that I should add an expiry... all entries considered up to March 1st! That's 2018 people... don't be coming in here in four years time reminding me to do another one!
 
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A Classic from 2015:

Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake.

My girlfriend said I am "invited to dinner" with her and her parents. Now, it is very natural to be nervous about being invited to such a formal and tense situation. But I knew it must be done if I was serious about being with my girlfriend, she really wanted me to come and meet them.

I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea crossed my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression, break the ice and become known to them as a person who is amusing and has a good sense of humor.

When I saw that baked potatoes were being served for dinner, I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes were. That would be funny.

Well let me tell you, it backfired in my face. I'll tell you how.

So when the potatoes were served to my plate, I acted very peculiar. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked "This looks very interesting. What is this?"

They stared at me and the mother said "It's a baked potato." And I was saying "Oh, interesting, a baked....what is it again?"

And she was like "A potato."

And I was like "A 'potato', oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good."

And then they didn't see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what a potato was. I knew I would feel very ashamed, humiliated and depressed if I admitted to making a bad joke as a first impression, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato was.

They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato was? That I had really never heard of a potato? I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.

This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my "fucked up antics", and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato was when the parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.

Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like "Enough is enough. You're fucking with us. Admit it." And I said "Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don't know what to tell you."

Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a very curious noise and said "Taste's very strange!"

That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying "What are you doing!?" and my girlfriend ran off to some other room crying.

Finally the father said I should "Get the fuck out of his house" and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn't take that kindly.

Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don't know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don't know what a potato is.

I wish I never started it but I can't go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
 
I love it... reminded me of this... from 2012!

[video=youtube_share;OJAEaAom5FQ]https://youtu.be/OJAEaAom5FQ[/video]
 
my first experience in eq was i was just given a shiny combine scimitar and went to a vendor in qeynos because i wanted a +5 cha tunic for selling stuff to vendors,

anyways i went to sell something and had a crude stein on and before i closed inventory window, i put the sword back on but it fell through the inventory slot and to the ground, the vendor says thank's i always wanted one of those or something and i was like, bitch give it back .... she stood there all blank stare resting bitch face like i was invisible, so i popped her one on the jaw and that's when it started.... she about killed me and as a druid with sow i started running frantically through s qeynos trying to find zone out ... train getting huger as i ran finally, shew there was the bards guild i knew i could make it and popped over to other side ... all the sudden im in this kitty room and this guy asked me why i broke qeynos and trained the zone killing everyone who zoned in as well .... so i explained my situation and after a long pause he goes you know thats not a real person right? that's a npc ... i said no she even responded to me and i think its bull crap that a merchant would steel from a low level player ... after a really long pause .. i think i envision now a group of gm huddled around a 15 inch crt monitor laughing there asses off i was released from the kitty room.
 
Yesterday in the car my daughter who is 10 decided to ask Google to play "music to wake me up". Google obliged with "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gainor. My daughter was singing along for a while and toward the end she said, "I can't decide if I should play this song at my wedding or not." I think she has an idea of how hard marriage can be ;)
 
Back in the day I got my mom and dad hooked on EQ. My mom was a shaman trying to level in the original OT when she was attacked by a small group of people. At this point I had been playing the game for quite some time and had amassed enough wealth to aquire a fair amount of nice high dollar twink items. I was playing a paladin when she told me she was being corpse camped (That used to be a thing lol). So I departed from Solusek's Eye (Sol A) and traveled to OT via POK book. Upon my zoning in, the first thing I see in my OOC was. He's here now. You're all gonna die!

While I didn't expect it to turn out well being as I was but a single person and there was approximately 6 of them, they were poorly geared and didn't fair well against my paladin with his twinked resists. They couldn't snare/stun or otherwise do much damage to me. I used my LoH initially upon entering because they spotted the lighty entering the zone in full plate armor. I was immediately riddled with "You have resisted ~Insert spell name here~ along with a barrage of attacks, including a backstab which set me back a pretty good amount.

Once I was actually in control of my character (Thanks to appearing in the zone before you can actually see what's going on) I took off into the open fields. After aquiring some distance from the onslaught of players I managed to find that among their party of murderers was a bard, whom thought it was a great idea to follow me out. Separated from his group however, the bard was hit with a stun to park him followed by a hefty double attack which sent him running away in need of health.

Immediately following their ranger caught up with me. You have resisted Snare~, As I turned and saw the ranger, shortly behind him followed others whom I hadn't yet identified classes for. The ranger ran up and began trying to melee me. I had my tab set to cycle between me and my target, I hit my tab smashed my HoT key and tabbed back. Attack key pressed the ranger quickly found himself outclassed against my Argent Protector. His health down to about 30% and clearly on his last leg begins to run away. Quickly I hit my stun in an effort to slow him down; Resisted! A heal lands on him and his health is restored, followed by a message that my blood begins to boil, Kabeker tries to hit YOU, but misses!

Standing still is no longer an option. I switch to my Tantor's Tusk. It was time to start jousting. I focus my attention on those that do harm at a distance, the necromancer must die!
Having successfully switched to my Tantor's I quickly throw a HoT at myself and then make my way towards the necromancer as I arrive, the necro starts casting a spell. He disappears! Maybe he's gated. I feel my lifeforce drain away! No, he's only shadow stepping! From out of nowhere the bard returns blowing by me at breath taking speeds. I've been struck. The bard again has my attention, as I turn to face him I'm struck again, but this time by someone else! It was the rogue, he's snuck up on me and backstabbed me. You have resisted the Snare. You have resisted the Lifespike.

Does the paladin survive? Does the Paladin die? Stay tuned for the next episode of dragon ball Z!
 
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Way back in the day I ran afoul of a particularly nasty player who, strangely enough, was guilded with me for a while. I cannot remember exactly what started this mess, but I think it was him sending tells to my RL wife who was playing a woodelf. Anyhow things obviously got personal and the angry messages flew. Some time went by and he started trying to grief me. Like all the time. His mission in life, even if I was anonymous was to search until he found me and try his best to kill me.

It started to become his passion. So much so that his monk would train me just about every day. One day in Sol B we were playing and I see Fonze (the monk) FD in the corner near zone in. This is back when you cast on a player it would break FD. Well, this little bastard had it coming. So I cast something on him and knew he was on a one way trip to his bind point eventually when a train hit the zone line.

Fast forward literally MONTHS. And my buddy is telling me a story of what happened to Fonze and how he lost a bunch of levels and lost all of his equipment. He popped into guildchat and started on a tirade about GM's, etc. etc. The story, as it turns out, is that he bound himself in Freeport (where he was KOS) while he leveled in Sol. He was going out of town with his parents on vacation or something and thought he had /q out after he FD near the zoneline. I guess he didn't. People in guildchat said they had seen a huge pile of corpses and him standing naked for literally days. People had petitioned and eventually had him booted from zone. But he came back long after his corpse rotted with all of his gear.

Now of course my buddy is telling me this story because he knew Fonze and I had a history. I was screenshoting this conversation since it was literally one of the funniest things I had ever heard. Because I was the one responsible.

Sweet revenge.
 
Some great stories so far... I can't thank in posts for some reason... perhaps my level as I let my sub run out a while ago... so please... members give these guys some love for participating and get involved yourself!!!
 
So, a certain jackass on Ragefire moved over to the Vox server and mained an enchanter, well this guy was a total asshat there, and brought it over to Vox with him. Dude was so high and mighty of himself and I'm sure he's a member of this forum. Hes 3x worse than CodeCompiler was.

So, one day this guy comes in and takes my camp and trains me. This camp I did every day for several hours and pulled no named. So, I come back and being the not-so nice person I am, told him to get the fuck gone or be trained. Well, he didn't leave. I explained to him that no named spawned here, but he didn't care he just wanted my camp. Literally, nothing spawned, no collections, nothing of value, he just wanted to be a fucking jackass.

So this started a total train war, that I won repeatedly and lost repeatedly. I value the sk's that I had because he only had three character where I had <40. Just a total fucking mess.

So I go in to Neriak 4th gate to camp a named for an earring, and this jackass comes in. He comes directly to my camp and starts kill stealing (sadly his enchanter + druid out dps'ed my 2 mages) so I said fuck it. He legitimately was there hunting and so I logged for a few hours. I came back to him still being there, but oddly enough he wasn't talking shit back to me. So I trained him, with the use of three different bards.

Well, mother fucker forgot to turn off MQ2Rez and accepted all of my 0% rezzes because he was afk botting. Sadly, he only had MQ on his alts. But at the end of the day when he came back, I never saw so much rage in my life. I would be pissed too if I came back to level 77 alts.

Dude was a complete jackass, but that was great.
 
I started my eq adventures back in 2001 on Sullon Zek. My cousin got me playing. I had no idea what I was getting into or the rule set of SZ. Good, neutral, and evil. After you hit lvl 6 you were free for all from the other 2 teams. I always called Sullon Zek the ghetto of Eq. High lvls running through nek forest ganking all the newbs on the log. Best kill I got was some red piece of shit that wouldn't leave us alone. He got low on health and was zoning back and forth. Finally he was way low and I didn't have my harm touch up but the moron zone plugged. I waited. And waited. And waited. 2 hours later he finally logged back in. Enough time for my harm touch to be back up of course. He died. I looted his sig and laughed at him. He made fun of me cause I waited there for him to log back in. It was worth it though cause he was dead. As I waited there people ran by and asked what I was doing. I let them know and let them know how long I had been there. Most were shocked that I would wait for so long. It's ok though. He died. I laughed. It was Sullon Zek. The ghetto but some of the best times I had in eq were on that hell hole of a server.
 
Love the stories - just want to reiterate though... can be any true story! Don't think it has to be to do with EQ... anything goes as long as it's funny and true!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
13 or 14 yrs old. Got a brand new 10 speed to ride. Im old so bear with me. We used to do things outside b4 computers were a mainstay, i rode a bicycle. My friend had an old 10 speed. I dared him to a race (surely my brand new 10speed would kill his rusted piece of crap).it happened then, my house to his. Down a long hill i had to be doing 200 mph (in my mind) head check to my left, damn he is right there. Peddle faster 10th gear.... go go go. In my desire to win, brainstorm cut thru a yard or 2... shortcut. Going as fast as i could nearing lightspeed or at least setting close to a land speed record (in my mind). Go by this phone pole. Should cut a second or 2 off the time. Dead stop. I woke up on the ground. Red stripe across my chest from my collarbone to my hip diagonally. Friend laughing at me accusing me of cheating. I felt the need to laugh along with him, it just hurt so much. Look at the fastest bike ever invented, mangled mess. Still felt the need to laugh, as he was helping me off the ground. To this day even knowing how bad i coulda been hurt or killed, that was the funnest day ever. I mean really, how many of u guys ever at least broke the speed of sound on a bike?(in my mind).
 
Nice!!!

So, in the same vein...

Sunday morning, United Kingdom, a friend and I go to a local park.

Set of six swings with a bar in the middle. Old school (1980s) metal with wooden seats held up by chain.

We take the swing from one side and wrap it around the middle pole. We take the swing on the other side and wrap it around the end pole. This leaves a swing in the middle with a lot of space around it.

We take turns in bending over the swing and then spinning around on it so that the chain gets tangled above your back. When it physically cannot be wound up any longer (ie, your friend cannot twist you) you let go and spin like mad until the chain undoes.

My turn.

Spin Spin Spin AWESOME Spin Spin Rattle BANG THUD.

The swing wrapped around the middle bar came loose and smashed me in the head. I hit the deck. Blacked out.

Must have woke up after only a few seconds. I stood up with help from my friend and, at this point, my head just started pissing blood from above my left eye. I mean it was everywhere. I looked like Carrie from the movie except it was my blood.

Anyway, whilst being walked back to the house (we were eleven or twelve at the time and hospitals were for gimps) we walked past the local church at the same moment the vicar was saying goodbye to the parishioners.

Their collective faces and screams as I laughed in the deepest voice I could still makes me laugh thirty years later. And I still have a scar!
 
Had moved from North Carolina to New Jersey at 10yrs old :bang: 1st mistake Made a bunch of new friends, hung out all the time, ride bike, skateboard, build forts, all the normal stuff. One day one of the kids dug out a Big Wheel and we all took turns riding it. All was going well until I had the bright idea of taking it down his steep driveway... Off I go, and 1/2 way down remember the damn thing has no brakes (this was before the pull up brake that some of them ended up having) and there was a station wagon at the bottom that I was going to smash into. Instead of bailing, I decide to pull a Fred Flintstone and brake with my bare feet :eek: (no shoes were worn from last day of school to 1st day of school back then) I avoided the station wagon but managed to take a layer of skin off both feet and had to soak and bandage them for weeks after. I still remember how bad that sucked! :cry:
 
As we moved with my GF and my cat to our new flat, we settled in, got the furniture, blablabla...

one night, we enter the bedroom, and there was our cat, the GREATEST HUNTER IN THE WHOLE WORLD ( not...) in "hunting position" laying down, wiggling her little tush...
we're trying to understand what she's hunting... is it a fly ? a moskito ? a dangerous creature from the black lagoon...

WELL NO !

it was... a crack in the wall... left there by the ancient tenants when they moved... so basically a shadow, due to the crack... and when she leaned in to "catch" it she realized it was nothing, and turned to us with that 'damn, you saw me" look...

it was hilarious and we still laugh about it today...
 
There I was, sitting at my computer desk, with a 9 by 11 envelope! Enclosed was a stack of 'instructions on how to play EQ beta" and a CD to install it. I of course, instantly used the CD and began the process of installing and getting it up and running. Having Played Ultima Online, I thought, how hard could this be!!!! It's just 3D! and I have played a ton of Duke Nukem and Doom at this point.

While it was installing I glanced over the manual.

W forward, check!
E/Q to turn, check!

Off to the races! I chose a handy Druid Wood Elf. Upon entry into the world, I was stunned! it was amazing! "Quick glance down to the manual, what other keys can I use? Ahh Autorun, what does that do?"
Smack autorun : Wandur the drood takes off running and goes right off the edge! It only told me how to turn it on! Not how to turn it off!!

bleeeding...
bleeding....
bleeeding...

Dead.
 
1 L2Phantom
2 Mroutlaw
3 EQGeek
4 Chatwiththisname
5 YRKoon
6 Kyle
7 Tapout
8 Da man
9 Johnqpublic
10 Tankhealcc
11 Yohkev

- - - Updated - - -

Random.org...

First Prize... Annnnnnnnnd Grats Kyle - PM me dude!

Chatwiththisname - Bold username!
Johnqpublic - Change of Avatar!

Love you guys!
 
True story; back around 2007-08 I was living with a girl in her 4th floor apartment in Lakewood, Ohio in the Bellecliff apts. Our "office" area which really was a dining room I think had a window facing a neighboring building that you could literally touch. It was snowing and I believe Forsworn had just came out... Of course I was playing, much to the dislike of my then girlfriend, all day and late into the night, as one does at the beginning of an expansion...
My computer was set up so my back was to the window in the room. There I am, screaming at my computer after i went LD after winning a BKP item at a raid...SCREAMING! In my flailings I knocked over a McDonalds vanilla milk shake, top comes off as it bounces off my thigh. I am still in a robe, but the shake was still all over my thighs. As I am rubbing away at the mess in my lap with the robe, I realize I have to just take it off and go get into the shower. I stand up, let the robe drop where I stand and turn around with nothing on but my underwear, covered in all this white milk shake on my thighs and underwear. The look of sheer disgust on the neighbors face, standing in her window, looking at me thinking I had just, well, you get the picture! I fumbled with a quick hand gesture and tried to for a second explain with my hands it wasnt what it looked like as she violently closed her curtains.

Even worse, my girlfriend told me I was a disgusting pig after apparently running into our "neighbor" at her work. Sigh... True Story.

I know this is a late submission but it seemed like a good time to retell the story.
 
I've delivered the Redcent prizes but Kyle hasn't got back to me yet re Krono...

Gimme a shout dude!
 
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