Stab them!
Well, I'm a big fan of Guest. As a matter of fact, I'm such a big fan of Guest, I have been stalking Guest for the last three years. We can get this skewering plan into action. I have all of Guest's daily routines broken down so finely, I have an approximate schedule of Guest's biobreaks.
I offer you fine folks this: why don't we snatch Guest off the toilet, total "Copycat" style, and beat Guest with soap in a sock. We can then skewer Guest with popscicle sticks, and stick Guest flat against the ceiling with mass amounts of duct tape. The we can play the pencil game =)
I know you all have played the pencil game before. You knowm, the one where you toss the pencil up into the hanging ceiling, trying to stick the pencil in the ceiling by the sharpened end.
If that doesn't seem appropriate, we could always just attempt to launch guest into space by stuffing Guest into a small lead pipe, and launching the pipe out of Chuck Norris' ass.
Oh yeah... I threw in a Chuck N. statement. This is serious business, after all.