Long-term effects of hardcore raiding
Well this is normally something people would keep to themselves I think. But I'm not like other people, you know this is you been around here for sometime.
I wrote this mostly to get something of my chest and thought after writing it that I would translate it and post it here. So you know where I am, why I'm not posting atm. And also, who knows, it might stop you from making the same mistake I did.
Well here it is the long-term effect of a hardcore raiding idiot:
Let me start by making some statements. I live with my girlfriend and have done so for some years now. I love her and after sometime I came to realize that I loved her so much that I would do anything for her. Even stop raiding. I was in a guild that has cleared everything. "Lucky" for me we had most the content of WoW on farm status, so I agreed to stay in the guild and play when I had time. Every time I had some argument with my girlfriend I played. So I was in general playing 1-3 days (because of her work as well we didn't fight that much). A few weeks ago I stopped completely because the raiding was going out of control. I sold my accounts (the ones that had geared chars on them); I did this so I wouldn't log in. See I started hardcore raiding back in EverQuest a long time ago. So I'm addicted and cant manages to keep it casual. Back in 1996 it cost me a girlfriend, she couldn't cope with the fact that I played this much. This was ok with me because it seemed I didn't have time with raiding and all to care. The biggest problem I have with this is that I lost my apartment (could not afford it alone). This meant my dog that I had for 12 years had to go live with my parents over 100ks away (that's over 63miles).
Now this is my story:
The year is 1996 it's a great day the sun is shining and I just got home from an exam getting an A+. I'm at my brother's house telling him the news. My phone rings as I answer it I fell discomfort. It's my dad; he called to tell me that they had to but my dog to sleep because they couldn't find a place for it to live. As his telling me my left eye start compiling moist. I fell all cold and empty inside, everything becomes num as I fell the coldness of a single tear moving its way from my eye over the bone of my nose. As it hits my chic I cant fell anything. Nothing at all. I try to say something but nothing comes out. I say nothing and hang up as I walk out of my brother's house. After this I cry a few tears, but only from one eye and never more then 2 tears. Not that I didn't want to cry more I had plenty of felling but nothing made them come out.
Its now 2008 and until today I have not cried since then. Of cause I have been sad, angry and so on. But I have not cried since that day…
This is until now. Today my girlfriend confessed to me that she wanted to take a break. I'm not dumb I know what a "break" is. Fuck I used it as an excuse so many times myself. An excuse to break up in stages. To make it all easier, not even on the one you are doing it to but to yourself.
To tell you the truth I didn't see this one coming either. I felt exactly the same way as when my dad told me he killed my dog. Only this time it was multiplied by 1000. I have never in my life felt anything like this. First the dislike, then the emptiness. A tear and then lose of all felling.
But here the twist; after a few seconds I felt something that words cant descript. Some that hurts, burn, freezes and so much more at the same time. Something so strong that you just lose your ground and it kicks you down. I was lucky I was sitting down otherwise I think I might have fallen to the ground when that happened. I think the best way to say this is if you have ever told someone you love them, and you meant it, you know the painful seconds before he or she reply and then you get a felling. The felling I had was sort of the opposite just way stronger.
This is what happened in my case:
All the raiding, first the hardcore and then the more casual raiding. Made my girlfriend miss stuff. Now normally this is something that you can talk about in a relationship, but I was a total jerk. I compared the hardcore raiding with the more casual raiding. Making her see that I was not playing as much as I use to. This was all good and dandy. However it was not. With me not wanting to talk about it (her words not mine, I would have listen and acted on it, fuck man I really love her and would do anything for her), she started talking to a co-worker. If you have not already guessed the co-worker was a single guy. After sometime she started having feelings for him (who can blame her, his have to look like everything I'm not). We talked about that there where stuff that needed to become better and I did (she told me too just so you know). However the reason we are now on a "break" is that she's unsure if she had the feelings for him cause I was an idiot or cause she's in-love with him. The really sad part of this "break" and the main reason I don't think ill come out of it with a girlfriend is: We are on a break. She needs time alone to think; so I'm wont have much contact with her. However she is going to work and guess who there to keep her spirit up? Yup the co-worker. I'm doomed.
Now knowing how a "break" is and that this is going to be the way the break is going to be, I'm not holding my breath.
I'm single, mad at myself and hating everything, right now.
Ohm and just a note:
If I came across this post I would not read it. Its way to long. So here's the recap of it:
Hardcore raiding can end your relationship. Even if you try to control the volume of your playtime. Before getting your emotions in a relationship consider this. Cause one day you might sit alone, with an indescribable felling in you hole body, writing a post on a board about what a fuckup you are… I know I just did…
BTW I don't expect any "sorry for your lose, mate" or anything like that. You can laugh, flame and so on. Nothing you can say can make me fell shittier anyway.
And no I'm not sitting with a weapon thinking about ending it all… Not my style… Live and learn…
Ohm yes and this is also and I'm afk for a little, don't know when ill be back. Hacking, gaming and so on don't really mean anything for me right now…
- decker the crybaby
Well this is normally something people would keep to themselves I think. But I'm not like other people, you know this is you been around here for sometime.
I wrote this mostly to get something of my chest and thought after writing it that I would translate it and post it here. So you know where I am, why I'm not posting atm. And also, who knows, it might stop you from making the same mistake I did.
Well here it is the long-term effect of a hardcore raiding idiot:
Let me start by making some statements. I live with my girlfriend and have done so for some years now. I love her and after sometime I came to realize that I loved her so much that I would do anything for her. Even stop raiding. I was in a guild that has cleared everything. "Lucky" for me we had most the content of WoW on farm status, so I agreed to stay in the guild and play when I had time. Every time I had some argument with my girlfriend I played. So I was in general playing 1-3 days (because of her work as well we didn't fight that much). A few weeks ago I stopped completely because the raiding was going out of control. I sold my accounts (the ones that had geared chars on them); I did this so I wouldn't log in. See I started hardcore raiding back in EverQuest a long time ago. So I'm addicted and cant manages to keep it casual. Back in 1996 it cost me a girlfriend, she couldn't cope with the fact that I played this much. This was ok with me because it seemed I didn't have time with raiding and all to care. The biggest problem I have with this is that I lost my apartment (could not afford it alone). This meant my dog that I had for 12 years had to go live with my parents over 100ks away (that's over 63miles).
Now this is my story:
The year is 1996 it's a great day the sun is shining and I just got home from an exam getting an A+. I'm at my brother's house telling him the news. My phone rings as I answer it I fell discomfort. It's my dad; he called to tell me that they had to but my dog to sleep because they couldn't find a place for it to live. As his telling me my left eye start compiling moist. I fell all cold and empty inside, everything becomes num as I fell the coldness of a single tear moving its way from my eye over the bone of my nose. As it hits my chic I cant fell anything. Nothing at all. I try to say something but nothing comes out. I say nothing and hang up as I walk out of my brother's house. After this I cry a few tears, but only from one eye and never more then 2 tears. Not that I didn't want to cry more I had plenty of felling but nothing made them come out.
Its now 2008 and until today I have not cried since then. Of cause I have been sad, angry and so on. But I have not cried since that day…
This is until now. Today my girlfriend confessed to me that she wanted to take a break. I'm not dumb I know what a "break" is. Fuck I used it as an excuse so many times myself. An excuse to break up in stages. To make it all easier, not even on the one you are doing it to but to yourself.
To tell you the truth I didn't see this one coming either. I felt exactly the same way as when my dad told me he killed my dog. Only this time it was multiplied by 1000. I have never in my life felt anything like this. First the dislike, then the emptiness. A tear and then lose of all felling.
But here the twist; after a few seconds I felt something that words cant descript. Some that hurts, burn, freezes and so much more at the same time. Something so strong that you just lose your ground and it kicks you down. I was lucky I was sitting down otherwise I think I might have fallen to the ground when that happened. I think the best way to say this is if you have ever told someone you love them, and you meant it, you know the painful seconds before he or she reply and then you get a felling. The felling I had was sort of the opposite just way stronger.
This is what happened in my case:
All the raiding, first the hardcore and then the more casual raiding. Made my girlfriend miss stuff. Now normally this is something that you can talk about in a relationship, but I was a total jerk. I compared the hardcore raiding with the more casual raiding. Making her see that I was not playing as much as I use to. This was all good and dandy. However it was not. With me not wanting to talk about it (her words not mine, I would have listen and acted on it, fuck man I really love her and would do anything for her), she started talking to a co-worker. If you have not already guessed the co-worker was a single guy. After sometime she started having feelings for him (who can blame her, his have to look like everything I'm not). We talked about that there where stuff that needed to become better and I did (she told me too just so you know). However the reason we are now on a "break" is that she's unsure if she had the feelings for him cause I was an idiot or cause she's in-love with him. The really sad part of this "break" and the main reason I don't think ill come out of it with a girlfriend is: We are on a break. She needs time alone to think; so I'm wont have much contact with her. However she is going to work and guess who there to keep her spirit up? Yup the co-worker. I'm doomed.
Now knowing how a "break" is and that this is going to be the way the break is going to be, I'm not holding my breath.
I'm single, mad at myself and hating everything, right now.
Ohm and just a note:
If I came across this post I would not read it. Its way to long. So here's the recap of it:
Hardcore raiding can end your relationship. Even if you try to control the volume of your playtime. Before getting your emotions in a relationship consider this. Cause one day you might sit alone, with an indescribable felling in you hole body, writing a post on a board about what a fuckup you are… I know I just did…
BTW I don't expect any "sorry for your lose, mate" or anything like that. You can laugh, flame and so on. Nothing you can say can make me fell shittier anyway.
And no I'm not sitting with a weapon thinking about ending it all… Not my style… Live and learn…
Ohm yes and this is also and I'm afk for a little, don't know when ill be back. Hacking, gaming and so on don't really mean anything for me right now…
- decker the crybaby
have one on me deck
