They're not hammers and axes, they're swords (1 Viewer)

[Deafdumbandblind]

I've had enough of all the hearsay and unfounded debate on this subject. I therefore decided to carry out some in depth research into the whole hammer/axe argument. To my amazement I found that the argument is actually pointless since both hammers and axes were derived originally.....


...FROM TEH SWROD!

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Yes, yes I know it's a shock. After some investigation I found out how the axe and hammer evolved from the sword.

You see, some demented wise-ass decided that the sword, like that above, wasn't a good enough killing implement - probably requiring a tad too much skill to wield successfully without lopping off one's own limbs - so he made this:

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It's called a Death Axe (true, I found it on a website). Note the similarity to the sword. It is, however, the first step of the sword evolving to become the Axe.

Someone then probably figured that there was waaaaay too much steel in that there weapon and, as you know, in the old days steel was very expensive. So he reduced the amount of steel and at the same time increased length the handle to give the weapon more leverage and also to keep the chopping bit even further from the wielders limbs.

Behold the axe was born! (um..from the sword tho).

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Then came the great recession. This happened when the japanese started making their swords and, as everyone knows, they used a heck of a lot of steel to make their swords bending it over and over on itself. The effect of this was that there was a world shortage of steel due to the japanese swordsmiths, like what's happening in China right now...except they're not making swords...which forced all the Europeans (America hadn't been invented yet) to reduce the amount of steel in their axes even more until....

..THE HAMMER WAS BORN!

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Note the similarity in shape to the axe.

Of course, as the chinese and japanese started messing around with guns, swords went out of fashion and so the Europeans (still no America as yet) started putting more metal on the blunt bit of the hammer so that it started to look like Thor's hammer. It was a blantant patent infringement but they didn't have them laws in those days because America hadn't been invented.

So you see, through my investigations I have proven that axes and hammers are really the same thing, that being, SWORDS!

 

[Ged]

And polearms are just a cross between axes and swords then?

 

[(Un)conscious]

Thats an evolutionary theory. How do we know that god didn't come down one day and handed some guy a fat hammer?

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

Well a god did have a hammer i.e. Thor. Again, his hammer was derived from the less well known sword of Odin (Odin was his dad).

 

[Gouka]

What about a mace? Hammer/Axe/Sword hybrid? Tell the lore...oh wise Great Poonani.

P.S. and how about a Flail (hmm, "the Flail of judgement" sounds awesome)

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

Bah! You seek to test my knowledge with the Flail?? Easy! The flail was invented when some dude with beaded dreadlocks was headbanging at a Linkin Park concert and took out everyone around him within a 10' radius (and yes, Linkin Park HAVE been around THAT long!).

I'll get back to you on the mace but I suspect this is a derivative of a hammer that occurred when someone hit somebody just a little too hard and the head of the hammer fell off leaving only a lump at the end..and so the mace was born. I have to research it further to be sure of course but I'm guessing I'm not far wrong.

 

[Gouka]

Mograine's Might is a mace, but you can't really call that a downgraded hammer...so you should research and GIEF ME KNOWLEDGE! :ohyeah:

Btw, I think all weapons came into excistance because of pie. Apple pie to be exact...just a thought...

 

[Incompatible]

well then what about the scythe and sickle?

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

well then what about the scythe and sickle?

I suppose that when it comes down to it even a ladies fan could be used as a weapon (a la martial arts films) but lets be serious here... these are farming implements, not REAL weapons.

 

[Incompatible]

alright you got me there but what about umm.. ok i got nothing.

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

and now my piece of resistance (best said in broad Scots accent). I bring you the development of the flail:

First you start with that guys at the Linkin park concert...

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(He's too ugly to view from the front...major zits)

This revolution in hair styling led to the invention of the cat o' nine tails. A favourite with sailors because judicious usage gave a tenfold increase in productivity

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Of course sailors are a crusty bunch and soon became de-sensitised to this form of disciplining and so the senior management came up with a more simplified yet more effective version....

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Yes, the flail. It kinda back-fired on them though since a mis-timed blow to the head often resulted in death....which everyone knows is not the most productive of states of being. Even when the intended part of the body was hit i.e. the back, the effects were somewhat crippling.

 

[isobelle]

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

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[Gouka]

:axe:

Hats off to you, sir! Good follow up on the Flail... another day, another thing learned. Any clue on how the Mace (aka Mograine's Might) was conceived?

Keep up the good work :yea: :ohyeah:

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

:axe:

Hats off to you, sir! Good follow up on the Flail... another day, another thing learned. Any clue on how the Mace (aka Mograine's Might) was conceived?

Keep up the good work :yea: :ohyeah:

This request took a bit more work but I finally discovered how the mace was invented.

In the old, old days when we lived in leather hide tents and mud huts we used to gather at night around the campfire to eat, sing songs and - our favourite - beat drums. When I say drum it prolly was something as simple as a hollow log.

However, in order to beat a drum you need a big stick. Like these...

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Strange I know but they are more easily recognised in these forms..

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But I digress.

Like I said, beating drums was a vigorous youth's favourite past-time so its not surprising that fights erupted over who had control over the drum at any given point. It was at this point that the drum stick usage became dual purpose because it was dead handy at beating off rivals.

So the cudgel, or club as it was more commonly known, was born.

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Then metal was invented (still well before America) and some genius decided to make the whole thing out of metal with a big lump at the end...

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This most intricate of weapons brought joy to thousands of warriors through the ages mostly because it required no skill at all to wield and there was practically no chance at all of chopping one's own limbs off. Because it was phallic in shape it was quite popular with the ladies who loved to see big strapping lads handle them with authority.

 

[Incompatible]

wow i feel so edumacated now

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

wow i feel so edumacated now

truely teh interweb is the font of all knowledge.

 

[Incompatible]

i theenk my hed just sploded with noledge

 

[Deafdumbandblind]

One final word....


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[oshin]

Bitchs love my huge axe.. Sorry had to say it after seeing the mace bit.