Creed
New member
- Joined
- May 10, 2005
- RedCents
- 0¢
(yes...i was to lazy to reformat and take all the extra stuff out...live with it 
)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted
by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary.
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking
for
> a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
COOL!
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two
> triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
> was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
> arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!!
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... Right?
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I
> must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> and thought better of It. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going
> to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did
> want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water.
>
> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All
> the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries thinking to myself, "no possible
> way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> best.....
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
> side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I
> decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
> touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
> MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal
> position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire,
> testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in
> the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing
over
> me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
> zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
> from your hand By a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three
second
> burst would be considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-GUN.... That hurt like heck!!! A minute or so later (I can't
be
> sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
> (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
> get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles...I'm
> offering a significant reward for their safe return
)Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted
by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their
anniversary.
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked
> my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking
for
> a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO
COOL!
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two
> triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
> was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
> arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome!!!
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... Right?
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting
> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
> really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I
> must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
> and thought better of It. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
going
> to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did
> want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
> hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
> would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
> supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
> three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
> ground like a fish out of water.
>
> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All
> the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with
> two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries thinking to myself, "no possible
> way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> best.....
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
> side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
burst
> from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I
> decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
> touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
> MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
> up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
> over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal
> position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire,
> testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in
> the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing
over
> me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face,
> undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
> note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you
> zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
> from your hand By a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three
second
> burst would be considered conservative.
>
> SON-OF-A-GUN.... That hurt like heck!!! A minute or so later (I can't
be
> sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits
> (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
> reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
> get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
> twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
> bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles...I'm
> offering a significant reward for their safe return
