A few nights ago I logged onto our vent server, in the middle of a discussion that was already well underway. To call it a discussion wouldn’t be really fair, since it was actually just one person playing back some ‘text to speech’ messages describing unusual sexual acts over Ventrilo while everyone else basically guffawed and slapped their knees.
My favorite one had to have been the Alabama Housecall (I think that’s what it was called, there were a few of them). This is when you put your cel phone on vibrate, shove it into your partner’s anus (male or female is apparently A-OK), and then call them on it. They shit out the phone, answer it, and proceed to ‘talk dirty’ to you over the phone while you ‘finish’ all over their face.
Another was called ‘Detroit Stirfry’, and involves eating a bunch of chicken and vegetables, followed by a Laxative. You then proceed to shit through a toilet paper roll on your partner (where? be creative!). The inclusion of a toilet paper roll into the grander scheme of things was a little strange.
The Angry Dragon involves oral sex, and karate chopping your partner in the neck right before they swallow (making it impossible to do so), so that “they look at you like an angry dragon”.
There were others, but too many to list. I think the best part had to be that the Microsoft Sam voice was the one ‘telling’ it. Like Stephen Hawking was sloshed in our vent server, telling nasty jokes. I’m 31 years old; I’ll be 32 in June. I’m old enough to be rolling my eyes at stuff like this, but not too old that I need to log off of vent in self righteous disgust. I’m not ‘beyond’ laughing at episodes of South Park, but I can happily make it through the rest of my life without ever having watched the Jackass movies. I can do without watching someone jack off a horse and drink it.
I mean, right?
My favorite one had to have been the Alabama Housecall (I think that’s what it was called, there were a few of them). This is when you put your cel phone on vibrate, shove it into your partner’s anus (male or female is apparently A-OK), and then call them on it. They shit out the phone, answer it, and proceed to ‘talk dirty’ to you over the phone while you ‘finish’ all over their face.
Another was called ‘Detroit Stirfry’, and involves eating a bunch of chicken and vegetables, followed by a Laxative. You then proceed to shit through a toilet paper roll on your partner (where? be creative!). The inclusion of a toilet paper roll into the grander scheme of things was a little strange.
The Angry Dragon involves oral sex, and karate chopping your partner in the neck right before they swallow (making it impossible to do so), so that “they look at you like an angry dragon”.
There were others, but too many to list. I think the best part had to be that the Microsoft Sam voice was the one ‘telling’ it. Like Stephen Hawking was sloshed in our vent server, telling nasty jokes. I’m 31 years old; I’ll be 32 in June. I’m old enough to be rolling my eyes at stuff like this, but not too old that I need to log off of vent in self righteous disgust. I’m not ‘beyond’ laughing at episodes of South Park, but I can happily make it through the rest of my life without ever having watched the Jackass movies. I can do without watching someone jack off a horse and drink it.
I mean, right?
