The wonders of Craigslist (1 Viewer)

[Bloodybloodblood]

So I don't know how many of you fellow forum-goers are users of the wonder that is Craigslist, but I had to share this. In the personals section, there is a lovely little nugget of humor that is called "Missed Connections". By far the funniest thing I have read all day. It is filled with various random people trying to meet their soulmate whom they encountered while at a stop light, although the other party was in a different car. Or they held a door for them at a Chevron. Or other stupid crap like that. But then I stumbled across this little gem. I had to share it with one of my coworkers, and then even my boss, it's so good. i pray that this is only a joke, but it's hard to tell on Craigslist sometimes. So without further ado, I bring you: Missed Connections, redneck-style.

I saw you in my dreams, then I saw you at the Piggly Wiggly m4w - 28

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Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2006-11-28, 11:42AM CST


I made my regular Saturday trip to Piggly Wiggly to stock up on pork rinds and pabst when I our lives collided like 2 starstruck cars at the demolition derby. We both reached for the same bag of bbq flavored store brand pork rinds. we both also had 12 packs of pabst in our hands. I smiled at you. you giggled. That giggle still echos in my heart. It reverberates and quickens my spirit to a realm where you are at my side with the sweet smell of rind on your breath and a pabst in your hand. I want you to help me stoke the flames of love in my grill atop which our hot dogs and beans will warm like the blood in my loins. Twilah, I am yours. forever yours...


Location: Denton

It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.

 

[Runned]

Good find, I try to stay away from craigslist as much as possible (at least my area, anyway) though. Trying to find a gem like this would be like wading through a swimming pool of dog shit to find a single pearl. A friend tried to sell a couch or something through the site, and got about 50 replies within a week - about 30 of those were men soliciting her for really nasty sex. Yes, they included the obligatory penis picture taken with a camera phone and a bathroom mirror. Why, internet? Why do you think this is OK? I'll never understand

 

[Lesson25]

I always feel a pang of great pity whenever even thinking about "missed connections". Not that I am particularly successful in the pick-up department myself, but to be so enraptured by a passing contact that you would go as far as to write an online post about them yet not be forward enough to introduce yourself at the time of contact, & then hold on to the delusion that that very same person is going to 1.) be single & similarly interested in you, 2.) happen to come across your obscure article, & 3.) not be totally turned off that you were too bashful to do anything orignally but have no qualm about proclaiming your admiration for the entire internet community to see...

...I wished they were all jokes, I really did.

 

[Saediien]

I think the Craigslist post is fake. But it did remind me of this excellent poem.

Chicken Bucket

by Jennifer Knox

Today I turn thirteen and quit the 4-H club for good.
I smoke way too much pot for that shit.
Besides, Mama lost the rabbit and both legs
from the hip down in Vegas.
What am I supposed to do? Pretend to have a rabbit?
Bring an empty cage to the fair and say,
His name's REO Speedwagon and he weighs eight pounds ?
My teacher, Mr. Ortiz says, I'll miss you, Cassie,
then he gives me a dime of free crank and we have sex.
I do up the crank with Mama and her boyfriend, Rick.
She throws me the keys to her wheelchair and says,
Baby, go get us a chicken bucket.
So I go and get us a chicken bucket.
On the way back to the trailer, I stop at Hardy's liquor store.
I don't want to look like a dork
carrying a chicken bucket into the store—
and even though Mama always says
Never leave chicken where someone could steal it—
I wrap my jacket around it and hide it
under the wheelchair in the parking lot.
I've got a fake ID says my name's Sherry and I'm 22,
so I pick up a gallon of Montezuma Tequila,
a box of Whip-Its and four pornos.
Mama says, That Jerry Butler's got a real wide dick.
But the whole time I'm in line, I'm thinking,
Please God let the chicken bucket be OK.
Please God let the chicken bucket be OK.
Please God let the chicken bucket be OK.
The guy behind me's wearing a T-shirt
that says, Mustache Rides 10¢.
So I say, All I got's a nickel.
He says, You're cute,
so we go out to his van and have sex.
His dick's OK, but I've seen wider.
We drink most of the tequila and I ask him,
Want a Whip-It?
He says, Fuck no—that shit rots your brain.
And when he says that, I feel kind of stupid
doing another one. But then I remember
what mama always told me:
Baby be your own person.
Well fuck yes.
So I do another Whip-It,
all by myself and it is great.
Suddenly it hits me—
Oh shit! the chicken bucket!
Sure enough, it's gone.
Mama's going to kill me.
Those motherfuckers even took my jacket.
I can't buy a new chicken bucket
because I spent all the money at Hardy's.
So I go back to the trailer, crouch outside
behind a bush, do all the Whip-Its,
puke on myself, roll in the dirt,
and throw open the screen door like a big empty wind.
Mama! Some Mexicans jumped me!
They got the chicken bucket,
plus the rest of the money!


I look around the trailer.
Someone's taken all my old stuffed animals
and Barbies and torn them to pieces.
Fluff and arms and heads are all over the place.
I say someone did it,
but the only person around is Rick.
Mama is nowhere to be seen.
He cracks open another beer and says,
What chicken bucket?


Well, that was a long a time ago.
Rick and I got married
and we live in a trailer in Boron.
We don't live in a trailer park though—
in fact there's not another house around
for miles. But the baby keeps me
company. Rick says I'm becoming
quite a woman, and he's going to let Mama know that
if we ever see her again.

 

[Jynxe]

I'm speachlessly (did I just make that word up?) amused. I'm disturbed, yet giggling my ass off. All is right in the world.

 

[Saediien]

Well fuck yes.

 

[mven]

Fuck now I want a chicken bucket : /