Pikan's Post a Joke (1 Viewer)

[Pikan]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,a carton of eggs,a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce,a 2 lb. can of coffee,and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk
to her marital status.


Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well you know what,
you're absolutely correct.


But how on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, " 'cos you're ugly." .

 

[Lesson25]

Q: What's the best way to catch a wild rabbit?

A: Stand in the woods & make a sound like a carrot.

 

[Incompatible]

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

 

[(Un)conscious]

Q: Whats the similarity between American beer and 2 people having sex in a canoe?
A: Both are fucking close to water

 

[Catriona]

A personal favorite of mine:

An American walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the American's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the American on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The American says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the American sits in amazement. The American gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."