Dragondoom
New member
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2006
- RedCents
- 0¢
Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You are no longer a man and you are out of the man club.
1. It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
A. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
B. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
C. After wrecking your bossâ car.
D. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into âThe Crying Gameâ.
E. When she is using her teeth.
2. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. If youâve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friendâs fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6. No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friendâs birthday is strictly optional.
7. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8. When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whoâs playing.
9. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when youâre sunning on a tropical beach⌠and itâs delivered by a topless supermodelâŚand itâs free.
10. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11. Unless youâre in prison, never fight naked.
12. Friends donât let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a Manâs fly is down, thatâs his problem, you didnât see anything.
14. Women who claim they âlove to watch sportsâ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - thatâs just mean.
18. If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, youâd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if sheâs withholding sex pending your response.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
Yeah, Baby, Push it!
Câmon, give me one more! Harder!
Another set and we can hit the showers!
21. Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
23. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly âjust a friendâ have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that youâre feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
24. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
25. When you are queried by a buddyâs wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
26. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call âBULL%%*!â.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
27. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy whoâs running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
28. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
29. Before dating a buddyâs âexâ, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
30. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
31. A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriendâs cat.
32. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if youâll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
33. If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
(Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, âWhat this guy needs is a good ass-whoopinâ, then you may sit back and enjoy the fight.
1. It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
A. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
B. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
C. After wrecking your bossâ car.
D. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into âThe Crying Gameâ.
E. When she is using her teeth.
2. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. If youâve known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friendâs fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6. No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friendâs birthday is strictly optional.
7. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8. When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whoâs playing.
9. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when youâre sunning on a tropical beach⌠and itâs delivered by a topless supermodelâŚand itâs free.
10. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11. Unless youâre in prison, never fight naked.
12. Friends donât let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13. If a Manâs fly is down, thatâs his problem, you didnât see anything.
14. Women who claim they âlove to watch sportsâ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - thatâs just mean.
18. If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, youâd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if sheâs withholding sex pending your response.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
Yeah, Baby, Push it!
Câmon, give me one more! Harder!
Another set and we can hit the showers!
21. Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
23. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly âjust a friendâ have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that youâre feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
24. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
25. When you are queried by a buddyâs wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
26. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call âBULL%%*!â.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
27. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy whoâs running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
28. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
29. Before dating a buddyâs âexâ, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
30. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
31. A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriendâs cat.
32. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if youâll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
33. If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
(Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, âWhat this guy needs is a good ass-whoopinâ, then you may sit back and enjoy the fight.