Ok, well I have one too. Circa 1980, US Air Force, Philippines. Been stationed there for about a year, and my wife finally got her paperwork to come over and join me there. I decided that we should live "off base", so we moved out there and it was great for awhile. The next door neighbor was a cheap ass retired American, married to a fat ass Phillippino bitch and he liked to burn his raw garbage right outside our window. Now I didn't mind it too awful much, but the wife was 6 months pregnant at the time and it made her sick to her stomach. Well between the bitchin and puking I decided to do something about it. Being the nice person I am, I went next door and made a request to please burn your garbage on the other side of his house, and explained why. He grumbled and hemmed and hawed about it but said he understood. It wasn't even 15 min later when I smelled that smell lol. So being the nice person I am I went outside, got my hose out and proceeded to water the neighbors yard for him. And wouldn't you know it? The wind changed direction, and we all know what a fire that has been drenched in water does, right? Well between the two factors I soon heard a wailing and gnashing of teeth that brought a smile to my lips. Mission accomplished.
A few minutes later there is a banging on the my front door that could be heard around the whole neighborhood. I open the door and much to my surprise, it's the neighbor. And boy was he mad. Face was beet red and he was so apoplectic his words were coming out with more spit than sense. I, personally I detest people spitting on me. Disgusting thing. So, naturally being the nice person I am, I returned the favor. I thought he was mad before, man, he really got angry at that. And tried to punch me. I was 20 and he was retired, I knew I had the edge on him and didn't want to mess him up too much, so I picked him up and power drove him into my front yard. Kinda took the wind out of him. And the fight too. About that time his wife came charging up behind me and hit me over the head with a dust pan. Now in the Philippines, the women are so lazy that they attach dust pans to sticks so they don't have to bend over to sweep up their mess. Anyways that is what she hit me with. I turned around and snatched that thing out of her hand so quick she was stunned. Then I raised it at her like I was gonna bash her head in and she started wailing and fell to the ground. About this time the old man had recovered a little, and upon seeing me threatening his wife, decided to try again. Well this time he did connect, sneaky bastard. Hit me when I wasn't even looking at him, and not bad for an old man too. So being the nice guy that I am, I returned the favor. Fair is fair, right? Except my punch landed right on the snoot and blood and snot was just gushing out of his now broken nose. And he was laying on the ground with his eyes closed. Hmmm, oops, I guess I hit him a little too hard.
No cops were called, no official judication was had, I just went back into my house and apparently they went home too. At least they quit making noise and were gone from my front yard. But 2 days later I get another knock at the door and it was their lawyer, handing me a paper written in Tagalog (official language of the Philippines) and telling me in Tagalog again that I neither read or verbally understand that I had to show up in court on Tuesday to answer to charges of assault and battery. I told him I didn't understand anything he just said and that he needed to come back with an interpreter. Well he understood English just fine and did what I suggested. The interpreter told me what the scoop was and I said, I would be there. Then the next day, at work, I got a summons from the Judge Advocates office. Now then, things were starting to get serious now. Worse than getting called to the principals office, this could spell REAL trouble.
The JAO informed me that I was now officially under what is euphemistically called "International Hold". This means you can't leave the country without express permission of the AF. And so started an 8 month odyssey of the Philippine court system. What a complete joke. Short story was that after 8 months of utter bullshit, I had to pay 250 pesos for get this, "mental distress" caused to his wife. Nothing about doctor's bills or "pain and suffering". Now anyone who knows anything about foreign economies knows about exchange rates. Well at the time the exchange rate was 8 to 1. That means 8 pesos for 1 dollar. So 250 pesos is $31.25. I had to restrain myself from bursting out laughing when I heard this. Are you kidding me? $31? Wow, I could scarcely believe it. But wouldn't you know it? My enlistment had been up for 3 months now. That means I was NOT officially out of the AF. But after this terrible sentence issued by the Philippine court I was finally allowed to process myself out of the AF and out of this backward piece of shit country and go back home. Which I proceeded to do forth with.
Looking back on it, I can't say it was an all bad experience. I got real tanned, worked out a lot, made a bunch of friends, and smoked some of the best "hemp" I had had up til then lol. But I can honestly say I was REAL happy to come home. And what I will say to all that read this, is that to appreciate where you live. You have to literally go to other countries to really get a "feel" for what that truly means. I traveled all over the "Far East", and we have the most advanced life style here compared to other places. The French, in particular, like to say how arrogant us Americans are. And we are sort of, proud to be so. We live in the best country in the world. Everything gets compared to the US, hmm there is good reason for that. A lot of these places your not even allowed to bitch about the local government, let alone protest. And talk about horrid living conditions. Let's just say that they are NOT the best in other countries. So I have this POV that this is the best country to live in. We are lucky to be born here, I know, a little bit of a patriot here. So before you bitch too much about this country you really should "walk a mile in their shoes". It's a real eye opener to an American.
But I made it out with my life and my sanity intact, and it sure made me grow up too. I am a much nicer person now.
Vrak
